Life’s better with boundaries. Why do I say this? What are the benefits of setting boundaries? Honestly, I didn’t truly understand how important it was to have some personal rules and regulations when interacting with loved ones, and even people I didn’t even like. It was only after my therapist brought up that I couldn’t continue living my life the way I was living it, aka putting up with bullshit. If I continued the way I was going, my depression and anxiety would never get any better.

The Benefits of Setting Boundaries

Here’s the catch-22 with boundaries: you don’t know how important they are to set until you actually set them and insist people honor them. It took a long-ass time for me to realize how important it was for me to protect my peace. It took even longer for me to understand protecting my peace meant setting up a few life guidelines. I pushed off not only setting them, but embracing the benefits of setting boundaries. Why? I kept picturing physical walls around me keeping the bad, along with the good, out of my domain.

When I changed how I thought about boundaries and started calling them “roadmaps”, it all started to click! I made it clear to family and friends:

• how I wished to be spoken to
• how I wanted to spend my time & energy

Letting others your limitations provides a roadmap of sorts. And, with a roadmap, everyone involved can easily navigate relationships and maintain their stability.

Decrease Toxic Relationships

Boundaries decrease toxicity that can often build up, leading to resentments and ultimately, destroy families and friendships. With clear boundaries in place, you can also weed out the garbage in your life! When people aren’t willing to honor your personal roadmaps, they aren’t going to want to engage with you, and that only benefits you in the long run.

Reduces Anxiety and Depression

When you understand what you need from other people, and you know what other people need from you, it helps lower your anxiety and depression. You’ll experience less harmful and overwhelming situations.

Cuts Down Burnout

People will understand how you want to spend your time. It makes it much easier to limit your commitments, so you can spend less time exerting energy and more time restoring your energy participating in self-care that restores your energy.

Lowers Stress

When you’re worrying less about other people and focusing on your own needs, wants, and happiness – it’s amazing how much it’ll lower your stress levels.

Overall Well-Being

When you feel more in control of who you surround yourself with, how you’re treated by those who want to spend time with you, and how you spend your time – it results in a much more fulfilling life. A fulfilling life results in improved overall well-being.

How to Set Boundaries

Clearly there are more benefits of setting boundaries, but knowing just a few will hopefully inspire you to put the time in and make those boundaries clear to your loved ones. How can you set boundaries? It’s easier than you’d think. But it does require a bit of work…..and a whole lot of getting real with yourself, your needs, and your values.

Ask Yourself Some Questions

To create realistic boundaries, or your “relationship” roadmap, sit down and ask and answer some questions:

• What are your values?
• Do you have priorities? What are they?
• Are there things you’re willing to negotiate about?
• Can you be flexible?
• Are you willing to sacrifice anything WITHOUT the sacrifice causing a buildup of resentment, resulting in a toxic, unhealthy situation?

After you figure out answers to the above questions, write down your boundaries. Simple steps, but not what I would call EASY steps, if you know what I mean. It’s all fairly straightforward, but it’ll be a tough exercise. In the end, it’s worth it to maximize the benefits of setting boundaries.

Share Your Boundaries With Others

The final step is to share your boundaries. It does help to picture these “boundaries” as a detailed roadmap. When those who want to be a part of your life, they will be willing to review the roadmap you lay out in front of them. They’ll hopefully ask questions, want more details, and will willingly work with you to maintain healthy relationships.

• Be firm when sharing them.
• Embrace the idea that “No” is a complete sentence (meaning, you do not have to provide any explanations as to why you are saying no).
• Be okay with letting people go if they overstep the boundaries you have set AFTER you remind them, and they continue to overstep.

And, not to pressure anyone, but finding a great therapist for professional help for creating those boundaries did me a lot of good.