Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things. ~ Author Unknown
Isn’t it so true? Who said it first? I haven’t a clue. However, it’s no doubt the truest statement about friendship. Friendship means so many different things to so many different people. In a world where we “friend” on Facebook with people we aren’t actually friends with: how does one qualify real friends from acquaintances? The million little things, that’s how!
What does “Friendship is a million little things” mean?
Basically, friendship isn’t only about grand gestures. Friendship is a million little things. Is it great to have a friend who take you on a great vacation, and never ask you to pay for a thing? Hell yes. I don’t think anyone says no to a friend wanting to give such a grand gesture gift. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend offer such a gift, grab and appreciate, it. However, if a friend only offers grand gesture gifts, but also doesn’t have a clue what your kid’s name is, chances are, it’s not legit friendship. You’ve got a generous acquaintance, and there’s nothing wrong with that, all all!
Friendship’s in the details
Friendship, though? It’s in the details. The million little things happening throughout your day, week, month, year, and decade. I’m not a perfect person, or a perfect friend. I’ve lost touch with friends throughout the years. However, when we reconnect, we don’t miss a beat. Friendships like these are few and far between. Normally, these friendships are ones you hardwire into your SOUL as a kid. I’ve two friends in my life I can lose touch with for long periods of time, and pick up right where we left off, without missing a beat. Both of those friends are ones I made during my single digit years.
Childhood friends are unique
Friendships solidified in childhood are unique. No matter how many years pass, we’re the same “kids” from all those years ago. However, now we’re dealing with adult problems, and kids of our own. Our million little things don’t encompass every day occurrences, but do include knowing each other so well, we’re always on the same page when we reconnect. Friendships are truly about the little things, but sometimes the little things are different for different friendships.
Different “little things” in friendships
Eye rolls and car rides
Going through life, there are times certain people enter, and a friendship is born. Do we need to talk every day? No. However, these are people I know well. I know the answer to a question, before I even ask the question. I’m completely in tune with the exact eye roll she’ll give when certain people are talking. I can look across the room, spot my friend and the look on her face tells me exactly what’s going on in her mind. However, I didn’t know her car didn’t start two mornings ago. Poor thing hustled to get her kids to school with the help of her mother.
On the other hand, the same friend knows I’m the first person to call when she needs a ride from the train station at midnight in subzero weather. Why? She knows I’m normally awake, and working. It’s still a close friendship. Knowing these factoids about one another are the million things that make it special for us.
Talking things out
If I need to talk “TRUTH,” I need my one friend who tells me the truth, not the truth she thinks I want to hear. Yes, that’s one of those million little things that makes a friendship. I go to her for the blunt, often brutal, honesty. She knows when she tells me the actual truth, I’ll accept it and not have a temper tantrum. It’s a trust built between two people, thanks to those million little things.
I used to have a friend who’d say “Yeah, yeah, yeah” during a conversation. When that came out of his mouth, I knew he was no longer listening to anything. He was done, and had his fill of the topic being discussed. Every time “yeah, yeah, yeah” came out of his mouth, I’d change gears, and start talking about something totally off the wall. He’d take a minute to catch up with me, and we’d have a good laugh. Unfortunately, the million little things between us weren’t enough, which also happens. C’est la vie.
It’s not the big things that make a friendship “real.” It’s the million little things happening within the friendship. The little things, like the idiosyncrasies which make up your friend’s persona. It’s the meat and potatoes of her, or his, personality, which either solidifies the friendship, or provides the proof the friendship isn’t really a friendship. Knowing what you get when you’re a part of a friendship is what makes a friendship so special.
Friendships come, and some friendships don’t last. It doesn’t mean those million little things weren’t important, or special, it just means it wasn’t meant to be a lifelong relationship. However, it doesn’t change the fact that friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things.
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You are fortunate to have value-added friendship. It is hard sometimes to make time for others in our busy lives. I like how Proverbs 18:24 says it, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
I have all different kinds of friendships. All of them help me in different ways, and I always make time for those who make time for me. It’s the quality of the time spent together with some, and sometimes it’s important to spend GOBS OF TIME with one friend who makes you laugh so hard you pee your pants. It is just a matter of what’s going on in my life, and I find when I truly need the GOBS of time with someone, life just shakes out the way it needs to so my schedule frees up. Otherwise, it’s an hour of solid quality mashed into a busy schedule.
I also think friendships add to your overall health. People who are really friends can take away stress just knowing they’re listening, willing to help and share some laughs!
I completely agree that friendships add to your overall health. If I didn’t have certain friends in my life, I’d have definitely been depressed for longer periods of time after upsetting situations. And I know that my happier moments are made so much happier because I get to share, and revel in them with amazing friends. Friendships are what keep me going. All of them!
I agree, and I love how you pointed out that a friendship can still be important even if it isn’t meant to last forever. Sometimes a friendship for the moment is exactly what’s needed by both parties.
On an unrelated note, hello from another Staci with an i!
Through the years, I’ve had a lot of friends step into my life quickly, and step out just as quickly. It doesn’t mean the friendships were any less important than the long lasting ones. They are just different. It’s the beauty of friendship!!!
I LOOOOOOOVE that you spell it with an I. Our moms had a great idea!
How many times a day do you spell your name for someone? LOL!!!!
Love this! It’s so true that friendships are the little things! My sister and I were just talking about this the other day… how since being married and having a baby I haven’t seen my friends much, but we are that good of friends that even without seeing each other for a while I know that if one of them called me because they needed me I would drop everything and be there for them.
I love how there are friends in my life I can pick up with even after a long period of time apart. It’s like we never had the time apart. All of those friends are ones I made as a child. There’s something about friends from your childhood…. it’s a totally different bond.
A good friend like you described above is like a “sister” to me. I truly value these few close friendships that I have and am so grateful to have them in my life. I love all the little things that make each one of those friendship special. :-)
Yes. I’ve got a lot of “sisters.” And some brothers, too!
I totally agree about this. ITs a million little things that make it what it is. I am blessed to have some great friends in my life and definitely means the world to me.
Friends make the world a much easier place to be in!
I think friends are very important too! I’ve had to learn though, that not all friendships last forever. I think you can go through phases or just grow apart. That’s happened to me with some friendships. It’s very hard to make friends as an adult too. Thanks for sharing!
When friendships end because you grow apart, it doesn’t upset me. When people just do something horrible to you, and the friendship ends… that takes me forever to get over. It’s a period of mourning.
I definitely have different types of friendships – work friends, old friends, people I connected with right away without knowing why, people I haven’t spoken to in years but I know would help me out if I needed someone, and vice versa.
I love having all different types of friends. I do tend to keep them separate if I can. Is that odd? I won’t have any of them “meet.” Or very few meet.
This reminds me of the saying a friend is someone who knows everything there is to know about you, and they like you anyways. :)
Yes!!! So true. Also, the one where if you’re a good friend you’ll bail me out of jail, but a great friend is next to you in the cell. LOL!
Such a great article. My lifelong best friend passed away when we were 23 and even now, 12 years later, constantly think of those “million little things” that she did throughout our friendship together. :)
So sorry for your loss. I’ve lost a few great friends along the way, too. I, too, think about the million little things during our friendships. It helps me to smile, instead of cry from the loss.
So often people look for what others can do for them and they are only interested in a friendship that will benefit them without much effort on their part. I am thankful for my true blue friends – old and new.
Yes, I’ve had plenty of those people who wanted something from me, for sure. You’re totally right! Glad you’ve got true blue friends!!!
You are so right about friendships being a million little things. Having a friend that you can pick up with after being apart for awhile is so great. I have several and when we get together it seems just like it’s always been.
Distance doesn’t stand a chance when it’s up against friendship, right??!!!
That is such a great post on friendship. I had not heard that quote before about friendship being a million little things. It is so perfect to describe relationships. Thanks so much for this.
This past year I had a friend from high school that I hadn’t seen for 15 years. When we met up again, it was like old times, and it didn’t feel like 15 years had passed by. I am so grateful for all of the friends that I have had in my life. Many of them have influenced me for the better.
I think it’s such a great feeling to reconnect with old friends, and have it feel like no time has passed. It truly means you’re basically the same amazing person you have always been, just wiser!!!
There is always value to the effort we put into our relationships. I also think we would be blessed if we put friendship efforts into our marriages and families. Great points!
I love this quote. Friendship is about all of the small things and not one big one. It is hard to make good friends and when you do you should hold on tight.
It is so true Friendship is a million little things. I am thankful for all the friends I have had over the years. It nice to have a couple of friends that you can pick up where you last off no matter the amount of time that it has been since you last talked or seen each other. Those friends are so precious. I treasure the million little things, and the seasons that each friendship has. :)
Having one great friend is better than a thousand lousy friends. I try to tell my kids this all the time. It’s not about the number of friends you have but the quality in the friends you have.
Completely and totally agree. One great friend is so much better than crappy friends by the dozens. You are 100 percent right!
Beautiful quote, beautiful post! I agree that friendship is in the little things – little details like remembering what you talked about last time you saw that friend and asking about it, or knowing that she’s going through a hard time and doing something small to support her. I have so many good friends and a couple friends from back in my single digits too and I appreciate them all. Especially because we’ve moved often and had to make new friends many times. :) Friends are precious! Thanks for sharing.
Friends can either make you, or break your. If they are quality friends, they are just going to enhance your life. If they are just suckers of joy, and only want things from you all the time, they can just suck the life out of you. It’s so hard to find the true blue friends, and when I do, I seriously will NOT let them go!
I really like this quote. I think it suggests that friendship is an investment in a way. You allow these friends into your heart through little ways, such as doing activities together, venting about something that irks you, doing favors for each other, etc. Then, there comes huge things: divorce, moving, a death in the family, a wayward child, anything. They’ve been there for you during the little things that they become the person you need for the big things. They’ve earned your trust and you let yourself be vulnerable. When I can trust that my friends will support me no matter how low I’ve sunk, I know they are true friends.
Yes. YES. YESSSSS. If friends are there through all those little things, when the big things hit and they are still by your side. Still lifting you up. Still there to let you break into a million pieces. Those truly are the best of the best. Cream of the crop. It’s why I have so few people I call “friend.” And I’m okay with that. I want quality, not quantity!
Yes, friendships are marked in a million little ways. I hadn’t heard this quote, but I love it. I have a couple people that have permission to speak truth to my life as you said… without me throwing a temper tantrum. They are special. There are different levels to different friendships. And you can’t keep 100 people close. Realistically, it’s only a few, but you can still have great connections with people that you don’t see every day. Friendships are unique.
I love this post because you’re so right on about what true friendship is supposed to be like. I personally haven’t had a real friend in ages that lives close to me. I have some fellow bloggers who have become people that I would consider friends, but it would be so nice to hang out with a fellow girlfriend from time to time.
The little things, the simple moments in life are what really counts!! :)
You’re right! Friendship is all about the million little things, especially knowing when that eye roll is coming! They know exactly what to say and it could just be a code word that you two share. I know, because we have one! ;)
I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones that I have are very good friends. There is nothing like a good friendship. Plus, it’s nice to have someone to talk and hang out with. I really enjoyed reading this blog post. Thanks for sharing it with us!
I’m not really great at maintaining friendships over the years I guess. :( So to me, it seems as though friendships are great, but they come in and out of life and are a “million little things”.
I recently reconnected with an old school friend. i haven’t seen her in over 35 years! But you’re right, we chat like the kids we were back then – and still are at heart. Funny things is, I can’t even say I missed her, as somehow I knew she was never far away.
Such a good topic to share! I especially can relate to the “yeah, yeah, yeah”. It’s fun to play with them for awhile, but then it gets old. These are all really good things to remember with your spouse as well.
Thank you for sharing this. I have had a number of friendships dissolve over my lifetime that I would have never expected to. However, after reading this, it makes me feel better in knowing that this is just how life works. Some of us are on the same path through life, while others are either moving up in life or away for new adventures. This has helped me look at things differently.
I have never heard this quote before but I agree, its the little things that build lasting friendships, not the big gestures. Though I have bonded with people over a single experience, the friendship is more sustaining when that is coupled with lots of small experiences as well. But not showing up for the big things can negatively impact a friendship so I guess it can work in reverse too.
True friendship is hard to find now a days especially with social networking thrown in the mix. I agree that friendship is a million little things. Thank you for sharing.
Yep, it’s the little things that make up any relationship. I think that applies to our lives in general though. All relationships can fade without the little things. Thanks for sharing!
I would rather have a few good friends that I can depend on than tons who won’t do anything for you.