Comfort in the panic, depression and anxiety. The goal each day as I live with depression, is to “get better.” However, sometimes, there’s comfort in the panic, depression and anxiety. It’s what I know. I retreat back into it, because I need to, in order to get through certain things. Sounds bizarre, I know. Trust me, I know.
Comfort in the panic, depression and anxiety. It’s what I know.
Trust me when I tell you I completely understand how insane it sounds to hear someone with depression say there’s a comfort in it. However, is it really as crazy as it sounds? Don’t we all retreat back into things that we have experience with? Crappy relationships, abusive relationships, eating all the wrong foods, never hitting the gym; it’s what we do as human beings. It’s in our nature. We feel comfort in the things we know.
Feeling upset about a break up? Grab the tub of ice cream, blast the music loud and proud, wear sweatpants for days, and talk to no one from the outside world. We beat ourselves up over what we did wrong to bring this break up about. It’s our comfort zone to do this ritual. It gets us through, until we can re-enter the real world. Find someone new. Repeat the same bad habits, and behavior during the relationship, drag our baggage into the new relationship, then watch it crash and burn. After it crashes and burns, we grab that tub of ice cream, rinse and repeat, right?
It’s what we do. So is it any different to find comfort in the panic, depression and anxiety? It’s how I get through certain situations happening that are out of my control.
Warm, understanding blankets
Crawling back into bed. Surrounding myself in warm, understanding blankets is what helps me through much of my journey. They understand me. No judgements are made. Questions aren’t being asked. There’s comfort in knowing I can cry into, scream into, punch at, and throw, my safety blankets without the worry of them hating me afterwards. I never have to explain shit to them. When life, and people I thought I could trust, let me down – I know what’s there for me.
Depression is what I know. When I panic, it’s a normal reaction. Anxiety is always there, welcoming me back with open arms.
Learning how to break the cycle, and not find comfort in the panic, depression and anxiety….well, that’s the battle I have yet to conquer I suppose. Each day is a new day to be victorious. Another lesson I’ve to learn? Being okay with the small victories: going an entire day without running to my safety zone, my place of comfort. Final lesson? Learning when I am victorious one day, the following day I may not be, and that’s okay. Each day I battle the darkness is a day of victory, whether I battle in my comfort zone, or I step out of it. As long as I choose to battle each day, it’s a notch on my belt of life.
