Discipline is not what I signed up for when I had kids. It didn’t occur to me these children need a patient mother to guide them, and enforce rules. Patience? I have none. When I don’t get enough sleep, I snap and my temper flares. I resort to yelling, and not listening to the kids. Does it suck, yes. Do I live with amazingly intense guilt after losing my temper, and yelling at my poor 4 and 2 years old kids? HELL to the YES.
Right at the point where I was crying, sobbing and hating myself for being a horrible mother – my wonderful friend Abbey recommended I review a new book. The most amazing book to enter my life at the exact right time. The key to this book: I was open to it, embracing it and wanting to sleep with it under my pillow. BUT I COULDN’T, since it’s an eBook. UGH.
Not what I signed up for when I had kids: DISCIPLINE
Why is there a need for this book?
Sharon Silver’s Stop Reacting and Start Responding™. I’ll be honest, a few months ago, this book wouldn’t be of interest to me. However, after these last few months of hating myself for being a horrible, yells all the time, at the end of my rope Mommy? Eh, I figure signing up to participate in reading, as well as, reviewing the eBook was a good idea. Mainly, I HATE eBooks. HATE, HATE, HATE them. There’s nothing I find more annoying than reading a book on the computer.
I like actual books, in my hands, pages to turn and cracking of the spine when I first open one up. I know people believe having eBooks helps the environment, saves trees and paper, etc. But I hate them. I’m going to end up printing the book on paper anyway….so what’s the point? I sucked it up, because a true need for help out of this vicious cycle damaging me, and my kids.
Stop Reacting and Start Responding™
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fast read.
- Broken into easy to read, super direct, small entries cutting right to the point.
- Examples are given to carry out the suggestions to help parents stop yelling, and start to correct your child’s behavior.
- Quick little notes at the end of each entry makes it easier to refer back to.
Getting through the book quickly is one thing, but being the person I am, I need it printed in order to refer back to it. Some of the suggestions aren’t a good fit for us right now, as my kids are a little young to be dealing with some of the issues. HOWEVER, I’ll have it to reference later on as they get older.
It’s a learning process
I’m not slow at learning. However, after doing all the wrong things for about 4 years now, it’s going to take time to re-train myself in order to be the mother I truly wish to be. Basically I’ve got to re-wire the “hardwire” in my brain in order to become the level-headed Mommy. I’m used to losing my temper.
In order to have a truly loving relationship with my kids, it’s going to be a learning process. My goal: a relationship based on understanding, mutual respect and a HEALTHY DOSE OF FEAR.
Listen, I want my kids to live in a little bit of fear of what Mommy will do if they’re caught drinking, and driving. You know what I mean? However, I don’t want them to be afraid to come to me with everything, or their father, or an aunt, perhaps a family friend. I want them to know Mommy won’t lose her temper, and will respect their feelings, their thoughts and their choices (as long as they don’t get into a car after they’ve been drinking-or other crazy things that might harm not only themselves, but someone else).
Faith in Stop Reacting and Start Responding™
The book is my guide. I will do my best to master each “lesson.” Get to the point where it’s just my regular way of handling DISCIPLINING my kids, not PUNISHING my kids. YES, it’s the BIGGEST lesson from this book! Learning the difference between discipline and punishment. Stop Reacting and Start Responding™ is truly a fantastic handbook for Moms like me.
- those who have been doing the yelling thing without ever really feeling like the kids are truly learning how to be “people.”
- parents who want to raise good people.
- moms and dads wishing to send their kids into the world with all the tools to make a change for GOOD.
Kids won’t learn anything like the above if we’re always yelling, and losing our tempers! Or, not treating our kids with respect. How will they ever know if someone loves you, they respect you? We want this, because it translates into them loving themselves, as well as, respecting themselves.
The book sparked a huge shift in my way of parenting.
Favorite lesson from the Stop Reacting and Start Responding™
My favorite lesson is about lying. My daughter has been telling “tall tales” for a few weeks now. I’ve been handling it all wrong, big surprise there, right? However, I think we’re not too far into it that I can’t correct all of it without causing too many issues for her. Instead of “accusing” her of lying, I should be calling it “tall tale” or “story.” Once it’s labeled this way, I then give her a 10-minute consequence free zone to tell me what actually happened, as opposed to her “tall tale”. We’re going to try it the next time she does the whole lying thing.
Things implemented from Sharon Silver’s parenting book
I’m offering choices instead of using that “tone” I get sometimes. When my son, and I, drop off my daughter at school each day, it’s difficult getting my son to leave. He loves it there. Instead of using the “come with me or else” tone, I’m giving him a choice.
- I gently tell him to “listen to Mommy now.”
- Then I let him know it’s time to go home.
- Finally, I offer up a choice: does he want to carry his puppy, or does he want me to carry his puppy, to the car.
It’s working to get his attention on me, getting him focused on what needs to be done, and Mommy means business, without causing a scene. He walks out proudly holding his puppy, and into the car. BIG DIFFERENCE. Changing just one thing is making it easier to handle the whole drop off and pick up the last couple of days.
Final thoughts on Sharon Silver’s Stop Reacting and Start Responding™ book
If you haven’t already come to this conclusion, I’ll state it bluntly: I recommend this book! Even if you aren’t a screamer like me, it offers a plethora of techniques for parenting, as well as, discipline. It’s the best way of giving your child the tools to make good choices, as well as, truly developing their self esteem, self respect and self confidence! It’s everything they need in order to enter the world as “good, quality citizens of the world.”
Sharon Silver knows what she’s talking about. Being a New Yorker, I was skeptical at first. It will take me some work, but I believe the changes I’m making are worthwhile and in the end, benefiting not just my kids and I, but our mark on the world. Good parenting helps develop good kids. These good kids become good adults. Good adults make a better world to live in.
Once my kids are ready to have kids, they’ll have a great “handbook” to refer to from their own childhood! Memories of how Mommy did everything and of course, the printed out copy of the book!
If you want to buy the book, click here –> Stop Reacting and Start Responding(TM)
You can also find Sharon Silver on Twitter right here –> Sharon Silver
I’m so honored that you liked the book. I will be tweeting about it now. I totally get the E-Book thing. I, too, love to have a book in my hands. EVERYONE can get a book. For this review however, I needed to send e-books. Sorry about that.
What is so funny was, I told my DH that I wondered how New Yorkers would take this, I grew up back east. So when you mentioned that you were a New Yorker I laughed. Thanks for the lovely review. You made my day, my year, and made doing writing the book more than worth it! Thanks
Also, for those of you who want a *REAL* book, go to http://www.reactrespond.com.
I feel bad that now I’m going to have to print the eBook out. I know the premise was to save paper and do good things for the environment. Oh well. If I had the cash, I’d buy the actual book and save an extra tree.
I love the book and I am very happy it entered my life when it did!
Another great review, Staci, but what I loved most about this post is your honesty. I know many moms complain that mommy bloggers are all sunflowers *(wink*) & sunshine all the time, and dont share enough of the hard times. I think that you are open, which makes you relatable. I think a lot of moms will appreciate how candid you are here – about your struggles as a mom, about how you are not afraid to say “I don’t know it all”, and they will be equally inspired by your dedication to becoming what you envision…
I definitely DO NOT know it all! Just doing my best to bring the best out of the kids.
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