You’ve all gotten to know me over the years. I rarely hold back anything I’m thinking, and some have told me I have no filter. Personally, I prefer to live my life knowing I’m speaking from my heart; writing my truth. I come from a place of good intentions, and sure, at times, it might come back to hurt me. However, I can’t tell people lies just to keep them around as friends. If I don’t like you, I’ll tell you. If I love you, I’ll make sure you know I love you. When you ask me something, and want to know what I think, be prepared, because I’ll tell you exactly what I think. It’s never going to be what you wish to hear, I can promise you of that fact. With all of that out of the way, there’s something I’ve never shared about myself, until now.
Something I’ve never shared about myself, until now
Here’s the thing, I’m a private person with much of my life. Yes, I give you my thoughts and opinions on things I’ve purchased; places I’ve visited; and experiences I’ve had. However, when it comes to the true background story of who I am, and my life behind the scenes of NovemberSunflower.com, few people know much about me. Most of my family isn’t aware of what goes on in my head, or my heart. It’s just how I am. I hate being a burden to others, plus asking for help is foreign to me.
Until recently, only Mr. Sunflower has experienced seeing me at “my worst,” along with my best. Even the little sunflowers have just started to witness what mommy deals with, because for a long period of time, I was doing rather well. A bit of “remission” if you will. However, 2016 was a rough one for me, and the shit hit the fan, in a big, bad, way.
I live with depression. I rarely say I suffer from depression. It makes me angry when I think about it in a suffering way. Trust me, living with depression is no picnic. However, the word suffer makes it sound, I don’t know…..worse. Normally, I say I have depression; or, I live with depression. It’s my journey with depression, and I get to use whatever term I want, in order to describe it!
People around me don’t quite understand depression, because most have only seen it depicted in movies. Living with it outside of the movies, well, it’s not as simple as what you see actors portraying. It’s not so cut and dry. Depression isn’t always easily diagnosed, nor is it something you can just throw some pills at and be done with. It’s a daily battle for many of us, and it’s not something we are able to control. We have coping methods, for sure. Do the methods work every time? Uh, that’d be a big, ugly no.
I’ve chosen to start opening up about my journey with depression. It’s time. 2017 is going to be the year I share my personal journey with an “invisible illness” I’ve been living with, from what doctors can tell, my late teens. As I feel more comfortable with sharing this part of me, I’m hoping to shed light on what happened to me that was more than likely the impetus to my journey with depression. Lucky me, I have a couple of different kinds of depression, plus a bit of anxiety thrown in.
Get ready, my friends. It’s a new year, and for the first time in my life, depression is no longer going to be a hidden part of my story. Perhaps this will help someone else to embrace their own story, whether it includes depression, or another facet of life being hidden.